Changing

I nearly blogged about this same topic on "House" once before. It was earlier this season. House did something dumb, and lied to Cuddy, after specifically having a conversation with her about not lying. I don't remember exactly what was said, but she had laid down some terms about trust and their relationship, and made some good points. House responded in a surprising way; he agreed with her. Cuddy had expected him to be defiant. She seemed pleasantly surprised. When House told Wilson about the conversation with Cuddy, Wilson was shocked. Wilson said something along the lines of "You actually agreed not to lie to Cuddy?!?!!" House's response: "I lied". That episode ended with Cuddy, thrilled, and House disobeying her authority and doing some ridiculously dangerous test behind her back.

I typed furiously after that show, angry at Cuddy, a darn TV character, for being such an idiot. House is House. House won't change. He never has, he never will. He's a jerk, a liar, a manipulator. Sure, he is brilliant and witty and saves lives all the time, but it doesn't mean he will change. It doesn't mean he is good. She'd be better off with Wilson, who actually cares about people.

I never published the blog post because it was pointless. I was upset and angry, mainly because I saw myself in Cuddy. I want to - no, I DO, see the best in people, see the potential in people. I constantly hope to see positive change. To see people grow. To see them become better, the best that they can be. I must be as much of an idiot as Cuddy. Why can't I be better? Why am I so unable to see people for what they are?

Monday's episode of House was unexpected. When Cuddy came to House concerned about getting Rachel into a good preschool House secretly tutored her daily, so she would pass all the tests the preschool had. He'd changed. It wasn't huge, and he tried to hide it, but he cared about Cuddy (and Rachel). He wanted to see them happy and successful. He valued them. At the end of the episode Rachel curled up on House's lap and Cuddy was shocked, as was I. I thought "If House can change, then anyone can change"

Can anyone change?

I don't know.

I always see the good, see the potential in people. I wonder if that makes me weaker, rather than stronger. I wonder if it just leaves me to get trampled. I wonder if believing in good really does any good at all.

I want to believe that everyone can change and grow. I do believe it.

Maybe, my belief needs to change, though. Maybe "House" is catered to dreamers like me who see the good more than the bad. Maybe real life is nto that way at all. Maybe, what really needs to change is me.