Waiting

I'm really, really angry with my lack of iPhone right now.

It's just that I deserve this. I deserve something I want, something I desire. I'm not asking for a perfect spouse, or a perfect house, or a perfect job, or to be stay at home mom with lots of little perfect children, like all the other girls. I just want an iPhone. If other girls can ask for all those big life things, and get them, then why can't I get just an iPhone? It's just not a lot of ask. It's especially not a lot to ask since I already paid for it.

I'm just so tired of endless waiting for anything I ever want (Recall how I spent months trying to buy a house I never owned). It's always a huge, long struggle. I know that it would not suit my personality if everything in life was just handed to me, and so I am happy that I can have satisfaction knowing that I worked hard, persevered, and got something for it. Doesn't mean I don't hate the waiting, though. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to crawl out of my skin, it's so hard.

Committment

A lot of people call me noncommittal. I didn't understand why until a few days ago.

I feel I am the opposite of noncommittal. If I agree to something I am there, doing it, 100% committed. I will follow through on what I agree to. To accomplish that, I don't agree to things lightly. Maybe that is where people sense my tendency not to committ. I just want to make sure that if I commit I will indeed be able to follow through, and so I consider many decision, even simple ones, more carefully than other people may.

What I've noticed in most other people I associate with, is that their commitment is simply not as strong as mine. They may cancel plans, go back on things they said, etc. Its not that they never meant what they originally said, it is just that they changed their mind. This, is honestly difficult for me to understand. I handle mind changing in one of two ways. First off, I think it through. If I think there is a strong possibility that my mind may change, then I will not agree to something. If still, I agree to something, but something changes, I still will stick with my original commitment.

I suppose some of this tendency comes from business. You can't succeed at business with a mediocre level of commitment.

More so, I think it's just my personality. Who's surprised that I would even take decision making to the extreme?

I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else, either. I just understand the people around me a bit better now. And I can understand why they do what they do better, also.