Life (Not) In a Box

I dated this guy for my senior year of high school and some of my freshman year of college. When the distance of being at different colleges became tricky he would always say "This is just the next step before we get married". I knew in my heart it was really just the next step before we would break up. When he tried to turn a Halloween spider ring into a promise ring of sorts I refused it, which had been a wise choice as a few weeks later he ended up kissing another girl and we broke up. 

I took all the gifts he'd given me and things that reminded me of him and put them in a box -Birthday cards, a bracelet, a sweatshirt, etc. Now . . . (I'm counting) . . . 6 years later, this all means nothing to me. Okay, maybe nothing is the wrong word - he was important in my life and I recognize that, but I'm not going to have an emotional reaction to the Miami Dolphins the same way I used to. I googled him just now, to see how I felt, and I felt nothing.

For some reason I like to be able to pack up parts of my life in a box. Oddly, I often ponder what would go in different boxes if I had to give something up. Don't ask me why I do this, because it's the dumbest thought process to go through . . . "If I lost this important thing and it was too painful to be reminded of it . . ."

I have a drawer in my desk that has almost become my "West Coast Swing" box.  All of my competition numbers are in there, some fliers, and pictures, and notes from workshops. I have a couple things in a pile that would go into an "RIT" box. I have a scrapbox that is my "box" from college. I think it's the idea of containing everything in one area that appeals to me. If, for whatever reason, I miss someone or something from college, I can open the scrapbook, and relive the time. When I don't want to live it, it sits on the bottom of my bookshelf and I don't have to worry about that. 

Life doesn't fit in a box, and isn't meant to fit in a box. My work, my hobbies, my relationships - they are all totally intertwined, nothing can be separated out easily. Thinking about it, I believe life is intended to be this way. Not being able to simply take a portion of my life away means I am truly involved in the things I do and the people I associate with. It means I have to make decisions carefully, and with clarity and guidance. My business decisions effect my personal life, my personal decisions effect my business. 

A lot of people like to leave the office physically and mentally at 5pm, and I'm all for not stressing out about work all evening and weekend long. But life is life. It moves and changes and grows and everything effects everything else. I could put everything in boxes, and shift around my boxes, and put some boxes in storage, and start new boxes, but I wonder, if I did that, if I'd really ever feel . . . if I'd really ever live.